It’s 2016 and the dating life of young adults seems to be more chaotic than it’s ever been. Many of us are more likely to correlate relationships with darkness, misery, and betrayal rather than the true joy that they can be. Most of you reading this have had to feel the pain of a messy break up at one point or another. Even worse, watching your friend hurt while you helplessly attempt to comfort him. When you’re young, breakups are often a result of betrayal and immaturity, often leaving you in shambles.The person you trust most hurt you, cheated on you, and left you with nothing, was supposed to be your best friend and ally. Its one of the worst pains any of us will ever have to face. Before we go on, I’d like to share my favorite quote with you.
“In order to find the right answers, you must ask the right questions.”
You know what’s the worst thing you can hear after a break up? The truth. Regardless of how much content you read on the internet and your how much your friend constantly pounds you with positive reinforcements, you somehow find yourself continuing to struggle with negative thoughts that you know your ex lover isn’t facing at the same time. She cheated on you, but you still blame yourself. He hurt you, but continues to act like the victim. The time spent with this vindictive person dismantled you, made you stick a finger in your face and tell you you’re not good. If you’re going through this right now, you’re hurting and it feels like it’ll never go away. If you’ve been through this, you’d rather not even begin to think of things that remind you of that pain. You hate that person that hurt you. You’ve told everyone you forgave that person. I said those things too after my ex cheated me, until I realized I was lying to myself.
Fuck my ex, fuck your ex, and fuck your relationshit too.
Up until now, you’ve assumed that I’ve been addressing my ex girlfriend, your ex lover, and your current miserable relationship with a current lover.
You are wrong. I’m addressing you. I’m addressing me.
Fuck the ex me, the person that allowed another human being to treat me like I was less than dirty. Fuck the ex me, who forgot who I was. I’m mad at the ex me, who allowed another human being to act like a victim after attempting to commit murder. You’re mad at the ex you, for not being wise enough to know better at the time. You’re mad at the ex you, for ever laying with a human being who would do so with another behind your back. You may also be mad at yourself right now for being in a shitty version of a relationship, not being happy, yet not being able to break up with your significant other out of the weakness you call loyalty, I’ve been there.
“How can I ever forgive that person who caused me so much pain?”
It was never that person you were mad at in the first, it was yourself. You may now refer to the quote I told you to remember earlier. If you want the pain to go away, the real pain, the real enemy, you have to ask the right question.
“How can I ever forgive myself?”
Through all this pain, we ultimately discover that we hated ourselves all along. It’s only until after time has passed that you begin to see realize that your friends, therapist, and the internet were all right, time does help heal. It heals the pain caused by others, but not such much the pain you caused yourself.
Let me be clear, I’m not saying any of this was your fault and it doesn’t make any sense logically. But for whatever reason, we often find that forgiving ourselves is the hardest part. Quite frankly,
You cannot forgive yourself, until you face yourself.
You can hate your ex lovers and forgive them as much as you’d like, that doesn’t matter. It’s only when you face yourself, and begin to forgive yourself, do you truly begin to heal. The process of forgiving yourself starts by learning from your mistakes and gaining that wisdom. It starts when you share that wisdom with a hurting friend to help him get better from a fake red head who loved herself too much. The process of forgiving yourself starts when you strengthen your bond with your friends and family. After a break up, we’re all guilty of either hurting alone in silence, or dwelling on our sorrows in front of our friends and family. We owe it to them to make up for that time when we get better and be the best person to them and ourselves that we can possibly be. We start to forgive ourselves when we realize we deserve better, and actually pursue better. We continue to forgive ourselves when we relearn how special we are, and remember who we really are. We continue to forgive ourselves when we treat ourselves the way we treat others, and never less than that for a second ever again.
Forgiving myself for allowing myself to loyally date a woman who treated me badly started when I cut out the people who continued to treat me badly every from my life; Strengthened the bonds I had with those who were there for me. Forgiving myself for allowing myself to try to revive a friendship with someone who betrayed me and lied to me started when I cut out the back stabbers and liars from my life.
If you find yourself in any of these similar predicaments, face yourself so you can begin to forgive yourself. Forgiving and forgetting anyone else won’t matter, until you forgive yourself.
I wrote this article to thank those who stood by me through my worst of times, and to promise them that I’d always be there for them. I wrote this to finally face myself, to let go of the part of me which allowed for the happiness of someone else to ever be more important than my own. I wrote this to face myself, to let myself know it was okay, I dodged a bullet, and now I know better. I wrote this because I’d rather hurt than be oblivious for life.
I wrote this article to forgive myself.
I wrote this article so that one day, if you haven’t yet, you can face yourself and finally forgive yourself too.
I wrote this because I am happy.
p.s If for one second you thought I wished my ex lover or yours well, think again. They can go love themselves. They don’t matter, only you matter to yourself.
A special thank you to BF.JF.NK.GH.SA.LL.YH.WN. I’ll always be there for you and I love you.
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