Some people say that your 30s are basically your 20s, but with money. I believe it’s much deeper than that. Every year has its ups and downs, with lessons along the way. Those lessons are in abundant in particularly difficult years. I’m not even 33 yet and there area already a plethora of lessons I’ve learned that I believe someone out there can benefit from. Whether you’re younger and hoping to learn, or older and just reading to see if you resonate, I hope you get some value from the 4 lessons from my early 30s shared below.
While there are dozens of lessons I can reference in future articles, I decided to narrow it down and focus on difficult decision making, your anger, dating, and how your 30s compare to your 20s.
Here are 4 lessons from my early 30s.
First lesson: Difficult decisions are indeed difficult, but only you can make them.
The older you get, the more responsibilities you inherit. Scheduling your own doctor appointments, buying your own car, taxes, etc. Intimidating at first, comfortable with them you soon become.
One responsibility that increases in difficulty as we get older is making difficult decisions. Our personal and professional lives will present us with choices that bear painful consequences, and outcomes near impossible to predict.
Despite all the wisdom we’ve accumulated over the years, the correct path isn’t obvious. We fear making the incorrect decision and the negative consequences that may soon come.
Should you listen to your mind or should you listen to your heart?
I recently had to make a very difficult decision. Despite consulting every wise friend I have, I remained at a loss as to what to do.
Despite being the person people come to for advice on any subject, I had no idea what to do. I’m a grown man, I should know, right?
Here is what I figured out.
Only you truly know what you are made of, what you’re capable of pulling off, and what your risk tolerance is.
When faced with a difficult decision, it’s okay to seek a few opinions but ultimately you need to figure it out on your own.
Here is how I’ve gone about making some of the most difficult decisions of my life.
I usually start by giving myself a due date to make up my mind. Being in limbo is crippling and mind consuming. However, I also give myself an appropriate amount of time to think it through thoroughly and pray on it. I assess what’s the worst that could happen and what is the desired outcome. Sometimes I verify my thought process for feedback by talking through it with a select few of close friends.
Thinking through these difficult decisions is very difficult. When my mind and heart both have strong arguments, I try to make sure I go with my heart as long as I can tolerate the potential negative outcomes.
Setting yourself up financially and surrounding yourself with great people can empower you to make difficult decisions and rise up to tackle the negative consequences and emotions that come with it.
Letting other people make the decision for us or making decisions out of a place of fear will not work in your favor.
It’s important to become a person capable of making difficult decisions.
The second lesson & observation of my early 30s: Your anger is the best part of you.
Your anger is the best part of you. It’s the most honest part of you. It’s the part of you that knows what’s really bothering you. Your anger knows when you’ve been wronged and when it’s time to stand up for yourself. It’s the part of you that remembers when someone hurt you. It’s the part of you that pushes you the most. Ambition can drive us but it’s nothing in comparison to our anger. Our anger is the part of us that says what really needs to be said and demonstrates how we really feel. Your anger knows who you really are, what you are capable of, and is the fuel that can push us to our greatest heights.
Anger is also demonized for good reason. When we ignore our anger and fail to channel it properly, we can turn it inwards and let sadness take over. Depression will try to make you forget who you are and blame yourself when other people wrong you. Anger turned inwards can begin to validate the negative things people say and think about you. When our anger is not controlled, its destructive tendencies can hurt the people closest to you and ultimately yourself. When bottled up, it can be a ticking time bomb.
Understand that your anger is the best part of you. Learn how to channel it properly. When you have a healthy relationship with your anger, it can push you to new heights and you will realize it’s truly the best part of you. Learn how to identify it and work with it, rather than ignoring it.
The third lesson and observation of my early 30s: Dating is much more difficult.
An interesting phenomenon takes place when you know exactly what you want. You would think narrowing down what you’re seeking would make it easier to navigate a densely populated sea.
“There is a word in German: Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz. And the closest translation would be…’Lifelong Treasure of Destiny.’ And Victoria is wunderbar, but she is not my Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz. She is my Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand, you know? It means…’the thing that is almost the thing that you want…but it’s not quite.’ Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz is not something that develops over time.” – HIMYM
The main reason dating is more difficult in our 30s is our core principals can prevent us from ending up with someone close to perfect; someone we would have for sure married in our mid 20s. Compromising is a part of life and dating. However, there are some things we cannot compromise on now that we know who we are and what our non-negotiables are.
I’ve been fortunate to meet the greatest of women, who were not Christian. Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand.
I’ve been fortunate to date the kindest of souls who are full of life and energy. Always fun to be around; but I’m experienced enough to know that their BPD (Bi-polar personality disorder) will eventually rear its ugly head and destroy everything we love about each other. Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand.
I’ve met perfect women who check all the boxes, but don’t want to have kids. Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand.
One man’s Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand (almost the one) could be another man’s Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz (the one).
There is a real chance that in pursuit of our Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz (the one), we may end up single and alone for life.
That is a reality I’ve learned to accept and continue to learn how to be okay with. It’s another one of those difficult decisions we must make in life. One that requires deep thought, prayer, and trust in the universe. Most people cannot handle the loneliness. There is no guarantee that good things come to those who wait.
Yet, I remain optimistic and have faith in God’s plan.
The final core lesson of my early 30s: My 30s are much better than my 20s.
Playing your cards right in your 20s could really build towards some great years in your 30s. My 30s have had their fair share of challenges, from battling cancer to my father passing away. Despite all that, they’re off to a much better start than my early 20s and I’m more optimistic than ever about the future.
Some things just begin to click in your early 30s. You have a better understanding of who you are and are more confident in your own skin. You’ve weeded out the fake friends and surrounded yourself with the best people you know. You’ve acquired a money making skill You control your own destiny and your ability to help the people you care about. You’re able to rise to the occasion when people need you. Your peers respect you. You have the ability to pursue the life you want. You have lessons to lean back on and the wisdom that comes with it. Your better decision making leads to better outcomes. Cutting out toxic baggage will liberate you. You develop better eating and sleeping habits.
Fewer distractions in pursuit of what really matters to you.
I hope some of these lessons help some of you.
If you’re in your 20s and fear your 30s, don’t. Work hard. Make many small mistakes. Learn as much as you can and develop a money making skill. Begin to shed toxic baggage and toxic people. Continue to grow.
If you’re in your 30s, you’re not the only one who’s lost sometimes. No, we don’t have all the answers. We may still need some guidance at times. You’re not alone. You’re going to be okay. Appreciate what you’ve been through and try to remember who you are and what you’re capable of.
P.S Drink some water and fix your posture.
Thank you for reading. For questions and thoughts, you can reach me via my X account, @TPRx11.