With the announcement of Space Jam 2, everyone’s been searching for specifics about the new roster of Monstars and the movie in general. When building your team, keep in mind that the original roster wasn’t based on talent but personalities and visuals. Muggsy Bogues was chosen for a short Monstar, likewise, Shawn Bradley was a super tall one. When the roster comes out, don’t be stunned when it’s not just a top-5 list without LeBron.
I’ll make my picks like it’s a remake of the first movie, and it’s a new set of Moron Mountainites that have come to Earth following in the same footsteps as their forebears. It does, however, beg the question of what the plot of Space Jam 2 will be like dealing with the aftereffects of Space Jam.
Are the original five Moron Mountainites still Looney Tunes? Is it a revenge trip long in the waiting from Swackhammer? According to IMDB that’s the name of the boss, I don’t remember that at all, but I’m sure they’re telling the truth. How did Swackhammer get off the Moon? How is Moron Mountain still in business if he never got the Looney Tunes? Why is he choosing now to return? Is there a Space Jam Cinematic Universe? Did MJ’s legacy get helped or hurt by landing a spaceship in Birmingham? If talent is stolen again, will Charles Barkley recognize what’s happening on the TNT halftime show? What does the conversation between Barkley and the talentless players look like?
A common theory is that the Monstars will take on the entire Warriors roster. This isn’t a bad idea, after all, they did just sweep LeBron, and as TPR’s been saying, the Lakers may not even make the playoffs with him. So you could see why they might incorrectly pass on his talent. Otherwise, the explanation for the Monstars not stealing LeBron’s talent will need to be a good one. James doesn’t have the easy cop out that baseball gave to Jordan for why he remained talented during the stealing process.
Also, the Warriors starting five (Curry, Thompson, Durant, Green, Cousins) taking the time to make the movie is unlikely in my opinion. The movie could also become awkward upon release, given that there’s no guarantee that Thompson, Durant, and/or Cousins will remain in the Bay Area after this season.
Green has collaborated with LeBron on several occasions, including several episodes of “The Shop,” and Durant has a rap song with the King. James’ relationship with Curry, Thompson, and Cousins is fairly limited though to my knowledge. Golden State starring in this movie with LeBron as lead actor is like when Dwight Howard helped Nate Robinson win the Dunk Contest by being a prop: it serves you no purpose to help out your opponent, but you took a subservient position to do so without necessity.
There are five positions for the Monstars, assuming they follow the same format as the original movie. Here are some names that have or should be tossed around:
1) Steph Curry
While I don’t think they’ll include the whole team, there’s a chance LeBron tries to get just the “Baby Faced Assassin” in the movie. There’s no denying Steph would be a good fit. He’s shown personality on several occasions and brings a unique skill to the table with his long-distance shooting.
In the first half drubbing the Looney Tunes receive, I can picture Monstar Steph hitting threes from the opposite free throw line or similar gimmicks. Ultimately, I don’t think LeBron will go with someone this close to his level. Not only has Curry beaten him multiple times, but he’s arguably the biggest apparel opponent that LeBron’s biggest partnership, Nike, has through his work as Under Armour’s main sponsored athlete.
2) Anthony Davis
I haven’t heard a lot of buzz for Davis, but there kind of should be. Davis has had solid performances in Foot Locker ads and deserves an Oscar for his performance in this Pelicans’ ticket ad. Wouldn’t hate to see the Brow have his talent stolen and get an opportunity to show a personality that rarely is thrust into the spotlight in New Orleans.
3) James Harden
Very similar to Davis, in the respect that he has some good acting spots in Foot Locker and State Farm ads. In my opinion, he falls prey to the same thing as Steph. He’s Adidas’ main attraction, and LeBron won’t want to give him anymore shine than he already has.
4) Kevin Durant
There’s a strong chance Durant’s on the roster, given his connections with LeBron off the court. However, I’m going to pretend those don’t exist because I hate him. No snakes on my Monstars.
5) Kyrie Irving
It’s a shame he and LeBron have beef because Irving is pretty funny on camera. His resume is among the best in the NBA when it comes to acting, and he’s already led a movie in “Uncle Drew.” His commercials are also top notch. His line “it only took nine takes” makes me laugh every time.
My Roster
Damian Lillard, Russell Westbrook, Giannis Antetokounmpo, Ben Simmons, and Joel Embiid.
Yes, Lillard and Embiid are with Adidas, but they are secondary tier, enough for now not to get disqualified by their stardom. I think these five would work great together. You get your super tall Monstar from either Giannis or Embiid, and super athleticism from Simmons/Lillard/Westbrook. I’m not a rap expert, in fact, I’m about as far from it as you can be, but you can use Lillard’s rapping skills as a plot line post-talent-taking.
Giannis and Embiid are both gregarious giants with great off-court personalities that should transfer too. Simmons is already shooting a tv show with LeBron, so they already have that connection. Westbrook’s a forceful person on and off the court, and from the commercials I’ve seen, he has good comedic timing and can take a joke. I’d also love to see what he’d be like without basketball. He could be the Charles Barkley 2.0 of this movie.
What will it probably be in reality?
Ben Simmons, Joel Embiid, Draymond Green, Kevin Durant, and Paul George.
My other prediction is that Kevin Hart will play the role of Bill Murray, and LeBron James Jr. will factor in somehow. Jordan’s kids are all very young in Space Jam, that will not be the case for LeBron James. Bronny will be 16 if it comes out in October next year.
Plot Prediction
A similar situation as before. The Tune Squad has four players and needs a fifth. Kevin Hart volunteers. LeBron, however, turns him down in favor of playing his son as the fifth man. He’ll have said something earlier in the movie to his son about how he’s too young to help or isn’t ready.
LeBron will then give a brief pep talk to his kid about he always had faith in him and will tell him to be ready to shoot if he’s open. LeBron draws up a play for himself, and they break. The play goes wrong, LeBron finds himself triple-teamed at half-court with time running low. He dishes to an open LeBron James Jr. who hits the shot for the win, and the movie is about the value of family even in the most difficult moments.
I also hope LeBron gets snatched from a Napa Valley wine tasting with the Banana Boat instead of golfing like Jordan did, in the interests of accuracy.
Personally, I don’t like the decision to go back to the Space Jam well. There’s nearly nothing they can do to top the original movie. At the same time, however, they’re definitely getting at least one viewing out of me. I have to see what it looks like, even if it crashes and burns. There’s nothing better than NBA players in movies. I just hope they don’t take themselves too seriously and make a fun movie.