I’m not entirely certain what drives me to care about the well being of those younger than me so much. Maybe it’s a genetic thing passed down by generations of humanity. Maybe I see a little of myself in them. Maybe I just want to give them the chance to avoid some of the unnecessary hardships I faced.
This won’t be a focused article like some of my previous life articles in the past. This is just me thinking out loud about some topics that are worth thinking about.
In some cases, there are pieces of random advice for young men in this article. In others, I just want you to think.
Topic I: You’re swimming in a smaller pool than you think.
As many of you who follow me already know, I am highly passionate about the game of basketball. From time to time, I might share a thought in the caption while posting a video of myself doing something basketball related. I could hit 100 shots in a row and I’ll still get someone criticizing my form. Regardless of what I post, I’ll get some kind of hate online. Honestly, the hate isn’t necessarily wrong.
Receiving hate towards something you’re really passionate about isn’t ideal. However, it’s important to ask yourself, does the hate matter?
When I was younger, hate of this sorts could creep its way in its head. Could be online, or someone calling you garbage while trash talking you on the court.
Generally speaking, I am relatively immune to trash talk and negative comments. However, I recently caught myself actually thinking through how bad I actually am.
What’s the size of the pool you’re swimming in? Here is where perspective really matters.
I’m pretty decent at basketball. I try to make up for what I like in athleticism with skill. When the game is slow I do pretty well. When the game speeds up, I struggle in some team compositions; I work hard to hang with the best. For argument’s sake, let’s say I’m the worst guy at my local gym. If there are 100 good players, that would make me the 100th best player. Not a great feeling.
Then again, I’m thinking about it relative to the pool I am in. If I look at it differently, the outcome tells a different story.
There are 7.9 billion people on the planet. FIBA estimates that 450 million people play the game of basketball. That alone means I’m probably better than 7 billion people at the game of basketball.
Then we factor in the fact that I’m tall, in shape, pretty skilled, play regularly, and live in the United States; it’s probably fair to estimate I’m one of the top 100 million basketball players on the planet.
Even with the most conservative numbers, I am a top 2% basketball player on the planet.
Realistically, I am probably a top 1% basketball player on the planet; trying to hang with the top 0.1% of basketball players on the planet.
Understand the size of the pool you are in.
It’s important to take a step back and reexamine your situation based on the real size of the pool you are in. This can be applied to dating, personal finances, career success, and even things like the game of basketball. Through hard work, time spent, genetics and passion, I am a top 1% basketball player on the entire world.
However, I’m not content with that. I still want to be good enough to consistently hang with the 0.1% of basketball players.
In some moments, that is the most important thing in my life. In others, it’s the least important.
It’s important to recognize your greatness. It’s okay to want more.
Topic 2: The subtle art of tricking yourself.
Part of maturing is learning how to prioritize what’s truly important to you. While I do agree with that, I operate a little differently. Not sure if it’ll make sense but I’ll try my best to explain. After all, I’m just thinking out loud.
Especially after battling cancer, I have a really strong understand of what my priorities are in life. My health and those close to me matter to me now more than ever. I am hyper aware of time and it’s the most precious asset any of us have.
Things like work, how good I am at basketball, dating, public perception and many other things that most people care about, mean almost absolutely nothing to me at this stage of my life. At least, they mean nothing to me if I’m sitting alone and assessing my priorities.
However, those things need to matter. Life would be very bland if we only focused on our top priorities. Think of them as fun side quests in an awesome RPG video game.
I’m a firm believer in the quote, “How you do one thing is how you do everything”.
So how do I get myself to give 100% effort towards things that aren’t top priorities to me?
I trick myself into giving 100% effort towards everything, even things that I don’t care about, by pretending that they are the most important things in my life at the moment that I am dealing with them. I carve out an allotted time for that activity, and make sure I shut off the part of my brain that is pretending when the activity is over.
When I am working on my game, I pretend that it’s very important to be great at basketball. I refuse to beat myself up about my performance once I leave the gym.
When I am working, I give it my all. I shut it down afterwards when I refuse to have work slack/email on my work phone so I don’t think about work after work.
When I am on a date, I don’t stress because I pretend it’s the last date. I also make sure my phone is put away and I am paying attention. Afterwards, I try to keep texting to a minimal. I never understand people that text a lot. What do you talk about when you actually see each other?
If you believe that how you do one thing is how you do everything, then in some way giving your all to these things, affect the things most important to you.
I believe that from an energy perspective, you’ll receive wins in different areas in your life, just by investing it in every aspect of your life. Then again, what do I know? I’m just thinking out loud.
P.S: It’s okay to care.
I care about every aspect of my life. There is nothing cool about the overly used phrase, “I don’t care”. The only thing I truly don’t care about is what other people think of me. They don’t know me well enough to have an accurate opinion.
Topic 3: Be alert young man, I’m worried about you.
I am very worried about how society is treating young men and the impact that it will have.
Terms like toxic masculinity are over used. In the name of “helping men”, society is stripping young men of their manhood and blaming the negative consequences of toxic masculinity and societal misogyny.
Having strong opinions, courage in your conviction, belief in yourself, protective traits, working out, wanting to be fit, aggression, toughness, wanting to provide, not being overly emotional or talking about your feelings to anyone who will listen, and many other traits associated with men are not toxic masculinity.
These traits are part of what a man is. They always have been and always will be. When you strip them away, you’re setting up men to fail in life.
Men are genetically built to protect and provide. Surrounding traits help them do their primary jobs at a higher level.
We all know a depressed man who let a woman strip these traits from him. The saddest part? Many times we have seen a man strip himself of his manhood, reduce his aggression and opinions, open up and be vulnerable, just to see the women in his life that encouraged this behavior, use his vulnerabilities and weaknesses against him.
This problem is getting worse.
“Simping” went from being pathetic, to being a funny meme, to becoming the norm. I need you to actively recognize how society is making this worse. Whether it’s the war on traditional men, dating apps meant to depress you, or embarrassing services like OnlyFans, there are many tools designed intentionally to damage young men in the western world.
It’s a problem that society refuses to address.
Another example of this can be found on Twitter. I follow topics like League of Legends because I enjoy the game and want news related to the professional scene. Unfortunately, all Twitter does is push attractive cosplayers who are trying to get simps to give them money on my feed.
It’s disgusting and sad.
The message here: It’s okay to be a man.
I need you to understand that it’s okay to be a man. Yes, a traditional men. No, toxic masculinity is as big of an issue as society wants you to believe. I’d argue that it may not even be a real thing.
Many of you reading this are depressed for reasons you do not understand. I’m willing to bet in many cases it is a product of your paralyzation caused by society not allowing you to be the person you want to be; the person you should be.
I want you to be aware of these evil forces at play. It’s important to identify them and question everything anyone tells you, even me. Seek the answers for yourself.
If you can identify problems, you can work towards addressing them.
If you are suffering from mental health problems, seek professional help.
Stop simping. Be a man.
Then again, what do I know? I’m just thinking out loud.
In summary, you’re doing alright but can always do better.
Even if you can’t see it, you’ll go far in life by working life and consciously getting better at every aspect of your life.
It’s okay to compare yourself to others, only if you view them as competition that you intend to beat. It’s not okay to do so just to beat yourself up.
It’s important to prioritize things in life. However, the energy you apply towards the less important things will reflect on the most important things. It’s important to give less time. It’s rarely ever okay to give less energy. That is why those who worked very hard at their minimum wage job often succeed later in their career.
It’s okay to be a man. Stop letting idiots tell you how to be man.
I hope these ideas make resonate with you, or at least prompted some discussions inside your head I know many will disagree with them. I once again encourage you to question everything in life. I am not an expert.
I’m just thinking out loud.
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